Jean Grae - My Story

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[00:20.46]If I could swim a thousand lakes to bring your life back
[00:23.05]I write that but infinity can't rewind facts
[00:25.89]You are divinity
[00:26.64]My primitive mind was struggling
[00:28.56]Just to understand the meaning of life forgive me
[00:30.91]I never told my mommy I couldn't break her spirit
[00:33.64]She always wished her daughter
[00:34.89]Extraordinary thinking
[00:36.19]So I traveled alone young sixteen
[00:38.70]Got in the habit of not stayin' at home
[00:40.78]Doing the sad walk like
[00:42.02]Bill bixby a dollar fifty
[00:43.94]Trips to the hospital so that medicaid could fix me
[00:47.07]I couldn't eat sh*t I fainted frequent
[00:49.30]On cold floors and I pause and I think peep it
[00:52.12]I'm lost my four friends know
[00:54.28]And just f**k at the boys' apartments for rent so
[00:56.68]I'm all wishin' that it's a dream ending soon
[00:59.35]I've actually erased a lot that I've been through
[01:01.79]See when the rain comes down
[01:04.84]I know it's fallin' for me and only for me
[01:11.49]And when the pain comes around
[01:14.64]There's nowhere else I rather would be
[01:18.93]I know what I've done please forgive me
[01:22.74]Now all my bitter homies sayin' that's what men do
[01:24.98]Feelin' retarded for seeing partner potential
[01:27.63]On top of that the doctors telling me a heart murmur
[01:30.29]I can't take it I'm contemplating
[01:31.86]A glot burner a cop murderer
[01:33.90]I can't be this can't be
[01:35.86]The tears streaming and I can't see they lance me
[01:38.40]And I'm passin' out and this is just for blood
[01:40.66]They had to cover the mass amounts I've had enough
[01:43.53]And you don't know what it's like in waiting rooms
[01:45.80]And outside their picketing pictures could slay you
[01:48.39]Their screamin' victims and spitting till they shame you
[01:51.63]I hold my head low and shiver push my way through
[01:54.10]They put you in a room where you can change into
[01:56.56]Your gown and shower cap shaking as a feene would do
[01:59.21]And tha's when you think of leaving fleeing
[02:01.27]The building and then they call you
[02:02.61]And you hear the call of your children
[02:04.29]They count down from ten now
[02:06.03]You wanna stop 'em
[02:06.78]But you say it in your head your out for the cut
[02:09.84]Then you wake up in another room with plenty others
[02:12.19]They call it recovery you're thinkin' we ain't mothers
[02:14.78]And then prescription pills written a scrip with chills
[02:17.45]An understatement you're dressed but you're naked still
[02:20.04]And your brain won't think straight
[02:21.93]Wait can't finish this
[02:23.98]See when the rain comes down
[02:26.93]I know it's fallin' for me and only for me
[02:34.27]And when the pain comes around
[02:37.00]There's nowhere else I rather would be
[02:41.17]I know what I've done please forgive me
[02:45.64]I kept it bottled up my parent's found the pills
[02:48.11]Screaming god what have you done
[02:49.35]Cried till I snotted blood then got a gun
[02:51.44]My temper ran quick tho from the thought
[02:53.45]Then the worst I was caught in the same place
[02:56.11]A year later for me that's when hatred started
[02:58.82]My faith martyred I've dated a father
[03:00.75]But farther then I moved on
[03:01.96]Years past the guilt's worse
[03:04.13]And it builds till your heart' smashed
[03:05.88]Then I miscarried 22 age
[03:08.00]I was headed to a breakdown
[03:09.54]Swallowed up some pills and I laid down
[03:11.43]I was a failure at that too bailed from the rap
[03:14.25]Then but fate took me back in
[03:15.84]Sin is a tattoo my fingers attached with
[03:18.47]Twenty seven with three kids
[03:20.16]That I never met
[03:21.25]What if I was catholic wonder if they hate me
[03:23.69]Thinking how their mother could ever murder
[03:25.28]Well take me hell
[03:26.62]To the depths where the brimstone
[03:27.94]Chokes me constantly
[03:29.46]I gave a monstacy
[03:30.79]How could I possibly correspond with god
[03:33.18]When I gave the authority to end that life
[03:36.79]But it's never over even if we have a child
[03:39.78]They coulda had a brother or sister or both
[03:42.33]I'm thinking about another life that almost got close
[03:44.74]Prayin' that in another time we coulda' changed posts
[03:48.05]If I could just reverse time I would
[03:49.77]I don't know what I would do honestly it's not good
[03:52.51]I'm sorry
[03:53.20]I'm sorry
[03:53.85]I'm sorry
[03:54.50]I'm sorry
[03:55.18]I'm sorry
[03:55.78]I'm sorry
[03:56.43]I'm sorry
[03:57.05]I'm sorry
[03:57.65]I'm sorry